The great thirst for sex without strings
attached will continue to put the trend of friends with benefit in
existence. People go into it as a result of sexual urges they want to
act upon without being in the real deal (the boyfriend/girlfriend kind).
The deal is one that allows both parties to have other sexual partners
without anyone getting jealous or feeling cheated but that’s the
greatest lie anyone can tell themselves in a friends with benefits
relationship. That’s the purpose of this piece – to tell you the truth
and the rules.
1. State your terms and conditions (define the relationship).
When going into a business partnership,
the terms and conditions are clearly spelt out in a way both partners
understand clearly and grievances are settled. In the case of FWB, the
terms and conditions should be spelt out and should only be agreed to if
both partners can deal with what it entails. That’s the first challenge
most FWB relationships face – no terms and conditions.
A lot of people are in FWB relationships
and they just don’t realise it yet. Some people don’t even know they’re
in a FWB relationship because they’ve mistaken likeness for love or
because the partner is fond of them, it means “something”.
“Always be sure that person is obviously single not by assuming but by observation and asking questions because you don’t want the main chick or the main guy coming to take back their “possession” after you already thought you own them.”
One should clearly define all forms all
relationships they want to go into before they go into it, no one wants
to waste their time, energy, resources and emotions with anyone who was
never on the same page with them.
2. Don’t be emotional, don’t catch feelings
We always tell ourselves that it’s just
going to be sex, nothing more but then you see yourself getting jealous
when he or she receives a call that seems romantic or when he or she has
to spend time with other people asides you. If you’re an emotional
person, you shouldn’t be in this kind of relationship. It’s for people
who have “gangster” emotions; Individuals who can overlook things and
never speak about them. Whether you admit it or not, sex is a big deal
and can bring about unplanned emotional feelings.
3. Don’t always say how you feel (you don’t need to have “the talk”).
FWB partners should know that FWB is
just what it is: friends with benefits. No future, no talking too much,
it’s just business. It’s not a relationship where you and your partner
can have “the talk” every now and then because it’s not that deep.
4. You don’t need to know what they’re doing when you’re not with them.
You should also be un-bothered about the
people they spend time with when you’re not with them, they’re not
obliged to tell you about the “other things” they’re doing. You should
try not to complain about things you can’t deal because that’s probably
why they have you even though they have other partners, it might make
them want to end it if the difference between you and their partners
isn’t much.
5. Your FWB partner shouldn’t be your only partner.
Going into a FWB relationship as a
single person isn’t what I would advise someone to do especially when
the partner you’re going into it with isn’t single, you’re going to be
doing yourself a lot of harm. Not having other (or another) sexual
partner(s) in a FWB relationship means you would be putting your all
into the relationship and you shouldn’t be doing that in a relationship
that clearly has no future.
6. Don’t think it would ever get serious, if it was meant to be, it should have been.
Another mistake people in FWB
relationships make is thinking that the relationship would ever get
“serious”. Honey, if it didn’t start on a serious note, it would most
likely never get to a serious level. The fact that he or she had a
serious partner and the relationship ended doesn’t mean you would be
their next option for something serious. It doesn’t work that way, if it
was meant to be a serious relationship, it would have been. The
probability that your FWB relationship would ever get serious is like
half over one thousand. Before his or her “main” relationship ended,
they probably already have someone they’re considering to be “serious
relationship material” so instead of getting your hopes up, get yourself
something serious too.
Written by
Odusola Aanuoluwapo
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